Ah, the theme week hangover. Saturday’s Strictly Come Dancing was very much the bleary, old contact lenses stuck to eyelids, two Alka-Seltzers dissolved in ginger ale, nibbling at cold leftover pizza while moaning softly morning-after to Movie Week’s night of ecstatic clubbing. No one was dishing out points for mistakes. Craig all but set his 10 paddle on fire – and yelled at Motsi’s jumper. Basically, all the judges acted like cranky toddlers who’d missed their nap.

Things weren’t much better on the dance floor, with several celebs tackling an unfriendly style or having an off week. Yes, no one was dressed as Shrek or a murder pig, thank the Strictly gods, but we still got two groan-worthy nostalgia numbers, several that lost the actual dance entirely, and a beret. Hold me.

Other hits and misses:

• A sad farewell to Robert Webb, who left the series on health grounds, and Ugo was out this week with back problems. I’m not saying the disgruntled evictees are making voodoo dolls, but maybe someone should check in on Ginger Neil just in case. MISS
• Anton. Sigh. The Len babble is getting worse, and creepier (telling AJ she looks good? Just… no), and yet more references to himself. Stop putting on an act and just judge – you do actually have some useful expertise to share. Well, in ballroom anyway. MISS
• The VTs are so training-focused this year – I keep pinching myself, though I’ve probably just jinxed it, so prepare for a swathe of “I’m getting over my fear of fleckerls by skydiving!” ones. HIT
• The family prop points were really piling up this week. There won’t be a single nan left by Blackpool. MISS
• Jamie Biscuits was back AGAIN for the Ts and Cs. He’s like that guy who keeps returning to his old school, asking what the cool kids are listening to. MISS
• Also back: Westlife. Are they still a thing? Apparently so. Air grabs for life. HIT
• A funky group number from our pros, with Giovanni blissfully happy looking at his reflection in several mirrors, but was there any ballroom? There was not. MISS

Best in Show

• Best performance: Sara’s brilliant tango A heroine for strivers everywhere.
• Best costume: Motsi’s controversial jumper Who knew shoulder pads would break Craig’s spirit?
• Best move: World-class tango dancers solemnly dancing around an empty poolSomeone planned this, and filmed it, and put it on television.
• Best line: Craig telling Aljaž he could now understand “why Janette married you” Yes, it was his tango choreography. Nothing else. Nada. Zilch.